I’ve often gotten sick in the winter, so when I had a virus in mid February I didn’t really think twice about it. I figured I’d be back to school in three days maximum. Days turned into weeks, and I kept feeling sicker and sicker. I went to doctor appointment after doctor appointment. I couldn’t understand what was happening to me. In March I finally started feeling better, but more sad. I couldn’t understand why everyday I felt these overwhelming feelings of sadness. I thought something was wrong with me. I felt hopeless and so so alone. Eventually my sadness got so bad I was admitted to the hospital for depression. When I got there I felt angry and alone. I thought I didn’t belong there and that it was a waste of time. I participated half heartedly and couldn’t understand why I felt so horrible.
The first night I knelt down and said a prayer. The next day was still hard but I felt more at peace. I started participating more, I started feeling more like myself, and I started to appreciate the power of the Atonement. On a particular hard night I was praying my heart out and I felt like I wasn’t getting any answers, so I picked up my Book of Mormon and flipped to a random page. 3 Nephi 22:4 really stood out to me “Fear not, for thou shalt not be ashamed; neither be thou confounded, for thou shalt not be put to shame; for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.” To me, this verse means that although we may have problems in our youth, in the whole scheme of things our struggles will be forgotten. Verse 7 also says, “For a small moment have I forsaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee.” In our lives we are going to have times of trial. We are here to be tested and to learn. We wouldn’t be able to learn if we didn’t have times of trial.
Through this experience I learned how to pray better. At first I would pray to have this trial lifted because I thought I couldn’t do it. But as soon as I realized I could do it, I changed my prayers to “please help me to be able to bear this burden.” As soon as I did that, and when I decided to put all my trust in Heavenly Father, it got easier. President Uchtdorf said, “You are stronger than you realize, more capable than you ever imagine.” Heavenly Father knows what we are capable of. We don’t. Although this trial has been hard, I did it. I am beyond grateful that I had this trial. Before I never appreciated my parents as much as I should have. I also never valued Priesthood blessings like I should have. Through this experience I grew closer to Christ and Heavenly Father. I now know how blessed I am, and appreciate how much the gospel blesses my life.